The Lighter Side of Religion
A minister, a priest, and a rabbi die in a car crash. They go to heaven for orientation. They are all asked, “When you are in your casket, and friends, family and congregants are mourning over you, what would you like to hear them say?”
The minister says, “I would like to hear them say that I was wonderful husband, a fine spiritual leader, and a great family man.”
The priest says, “I would like to hear that I was a wonderful teacher and a servant of God who made a huge difference in people’s live.”
The rabbi replies, “I would like to hear them say, ‘Look, he’s moving!’”
A rabbi who was late for a golf game was rather curt with several people whose phone calls kept delaying him.
The next day his secretary said, “Rabbi, several members of the congregation were really upset with you when you cut them short yesterday.”
At that point, a man who had been sitting within earshot in the reception room got up and departed hurriedly. “Who was that?” asked the rabbi.
“Oh, that was Mr. Rothenberg,” she answered. “He wanted to speak to you about a circumcision for his son.”
Two bees were talking and the first bee tells the second bee, “I know where there some great flowers and some great food.”
“Where?” asks the second bee.
“Over at the synagogue they’re having a Bar Mitzvah. It’s terrific.” says the first bee. “You’ve got to go over there.”
The next day the first bee sees the second bee. “Did you go over to the Bar Mitzvah like I told you?” he asks.
“I did and it was great. The flowers were really good and so was the food.” says the second bee. “Thanks for telling me about it.”
“I’m glad you enjoyed it, but what’s that on your head?”
“It’s a yarmulke. I didn’t want any one to think I was a Wasp.”
One Sunday morning the pastor noticed little Alex was staring up at the large plaque that hung in the foyer of the church. It was covered with names and small American flags were mounted on either side of them.
The seven year old had been staring at the plaque for some time, so the Pastor walked up, stood beside the little boy, and said quietly, “Good morning, Alex.”
“Good morning, Pastor, “ replied the boy, still focused on the plaque. “Pastor, what is this?”
“Well, son, it’s a memorial to all the young men and women who died in the service.” Soberly, they stood together, staring at the large plaque.
Little Alex’s voice was barely audible, trembling with fear, when he asked, “Which service, the 9:45 or the 11:15?”
A woman goes to the post office
to buy stamps for her Chanukah cards.
She says to the clerk, " May I have 50 Chanukah stamps?"
The clerk says, "What denomination?"
The woman says, "Oh no, has it come to this? All right,
give me 11 Orthodox, 22 Conservative, 12 Reform and 5